Selections from the PopCult mail room,
as chosen by Zippy McDuff, The Invisible Intern™.

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SPECIAL EDITION: ABSOLUTELY INSANE LETTERS

We here at the vast PopCult offices often receive e-mail that confuses our hapless yet well-meaning intern, Zippy. He usually puts these mysterious missives aside so that more earnest discourse can published in the Viewer Mail Dept. However, some of these letters are intriguing in their own particular ways, so we thought we'd share a few. E-mail addresses have been removed to protect the innocent and the stupid. Various forms of punctuation and style have been left intact.
—Ed.

 

UFOs: A TOPIC YOU NEVER, EVER HEAR ABOUT

Hello,

I am concerned about the way that the media treats the subjects of UFOs. They act as if it is a joke or a "taboo subject". However, it is without a doubt a very important subject of our history and our future; but the media continues to sweep it under the carpet.

All one needs to do is look up "UFO" on the Internet to see the massive amount of interest in this topic. Could there just be something to it worth looking into? Many of us believe that the subject needs to be considered and given serious exposure.

If you are a journalist worth your salt, you have to wonder why there is so much discussion on the web about this topic and why it is still ignored.

Please, at least look at the subject with an open mind and write some thought provoking and unbiased stories on it!

Sincerely,

Peter Johnson

 

TRANSDIMENSIONAL EQUIPMENT #1

Hello,

I am offering $50,000 2003 US dollars for the below equipment:

1. The mind warper generation 4 Dimensional Warp Generator # 52 4350a series wrist watch with z60 or better memory adapter. Or if in stock the AMD Dimensional Warp Generator module containing the GRC79 induction motor, two I80200 warp stabilizers, 256GB of SRAM, and two Analog Devices isolinear modules, This unit also has a menu driven GUI accessible on the front panel XID display. Or perhaps you have some reliable all in 1 units available?

2. The special 23200 or Acme 5X24 series time transducing capacitor with built in temporal displacement. I need this with complete jumper/auxiliary system

3. An age stopping finger ring if available.

VERY IMPORTANT: All equipment must be original in sealed closed casing of it's time. No old imitation electronic parts or materials are accepted. Please send photos of the above items so I can verify you have them available.

I will offer you $50,000 2003 US funds total for everything with the ring if you can teleport to me in the Boston area within the next 48 earth hours to conduct business in person.

Business in person is greatly preferred! If business cannot be conducted in person, I will send you a deposit only after proof you have them available, and then the remaining funds upon delivery of the time pieces.

Please send a (SEPARATE) email to me at: [e-mail address removed]

Thanks

xyMywendy

 

TRANSDIMENSIONAL EQUIPMENT #2

Hello,

I'm a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3 52 4350A watch unit, and they fled on me. I am going to need a new DWG unit, preferably the rechargeable AMD wrist watch model with the GRC79 induction motor, four I80200 warp stabilizers, 512GB of SRAM and the menu driven GUI with front panel XID display.

I will take whatever model you have in stock, as long as its received certification for being safe on carbon based life forms.

In terms of payment:

I don't have any Galactic Credits left. Payment can be made in platinum gold or 2003 currency upon safe delivery of unit.

INSTRUCTIONS MUST BE FOLLOWED EXACTLY:

Please transport unit in either a brown paper bag or box to below coordinates on Wednesday August 6th at (exactly 5:00pm) Eastern Standard Time on the dot. A few minutes prior will be ok, but it cannot be after. If you miss this timeframe please email me. I will not be there prior to 4:45pm EST, so do not transport before then.

Item is to be delivered at (out of service tennis court) located at: Latitude N 42.47935 & Longitude W 071.17355 and the Elevation is 119.

WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TRANSPORT ITEM BY REGULAR MEANS OF TELEPORTATION. THEY ARE MONITORING AND WILL REDIRECT THE SIGNAL!!

I DO NOT CARE HOW YOU HAVE TO GET IT HERE, JUST DO IT IN A WAY THAT NO SPYING EYES WILL POSSIBLY BE ABLE TO REDIRECT THE TRANSFERENCE. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE ABLE TO MONITOR THE TRANSFER.

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO SEND IT SO THAT THEY CANNOT REDIRECT IT??? If in doubt do not transport actual unit until your method of transfer can be confirmed as a success. You just might need to send a intergalactic courier to deliver item safely to me. If so be VERY careful at how they approach me IN MY WHITE CAR.

After unit has been delivered please email me at: [e-mail address removed] with payment instructions. Do not reply directly back to this email.

Thank You

 

WHERE'S KATO? MORE IMPORTANTLY, HOW SHOULD I KNOW?

I wonder if you can help me. My name is Kerry Erion. Two years ago my husband bought a 1983 Jaguar. The last person listed on the title was Kato Kaelin. My husband restores classic cars and needs to contact the previous owner to ask some questions about the vehicle. Do you have an address where we can contact Mr. Kaelin? This would be very helpful in the restoration. Please contact us if you can help.

Thank you so much,

Kerry W. Erion
Erion Designs
Plymouth, MI

 

A SCINTILLATING RENAISSANCE WOMAN!

Attn: PopCult Editors

Dear Editors:

Let me introduce you my friend. Her name is Marie Claire, she was born in 1966, she is a former judo champion, an active sportswoman, looks 20 at her 36, uses no cosmetic make-ups, and she works as IT spec at a computer company. People often take her 14 y.o. daughter for her sister.

Please let me if your edition would be interested in more information about this woman.

Sincerely,

Anthony Martin
The Twin Cities, Minnesota

I actually replied to this one, asking why I should be interested in such a story. I did not receive further information.
–Ed.

 

UHHHH… I CAN'T TELL FOR SURE.

RENAISSANCE or TOTALITARISM?

What do you think about? If the following project is actual, I would be glad to hear from you.

Sincerely, Sergey

http://www.geocities.com/sergjak/inter

 

I, UH, ER, I GUESS…

Dear, I no longer want to live in lies. Can you give me a favour?

I will miss you forever.

Yours truly,

Bill's most wanted.

 

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